What do you do when you don’t get what you want? Mountain Lesson No.43
What do you do when you don’t get what you want?
Would you like to know how to deal with that?
Last Sunday morning I packed the shits, for a moment. You see, I wanted to hike a (popular) local walk so I got up early and drove up there only to find that the car park was, as usual, full. Usually, when this happens, I would wait and find a park or park further away, sometimes even 2km away.
The challenge this time was that I had a time constraint. I need to return the car by 10:30 AM. So I sat there, and proceeded to get grumpy and angry and annoyed. I’m sure you’ve done this too, on occasion, when you don’t get what you want. The trick is to observe what you are doing, that is, being angry or annoyed or swearing or giving someone the bird or whatever, and then choose to change the behavior.
If you’re present enough to observe that you are being angry and negative then you have a choice on how you continue to behave. Once you realise you have a choice you can’t un-realise it. You have nobody to blame for your actions once you are aware of them and if you don’t adjust your attitude and actions— smile and come up with alternative plan, then it’s on you. You just need to adapt your plan.
”Yeah but how do we be present?”
Well, Eckhart Tolle describes this as being ‘the watcher’. Watching yourself and observing what’s going on, and realising that you are not your actions, your actions are separate to you.
Presence takes practice. Meditation is probably the most powerful method for improving presence. It has become popular in recent times as ‘mindfulness’—being mindful of what we do. Think of it as awareness. You just have to be focused enough to find that momentary gap between thought and reaction. It’s a little bit like counting to 10. But you only have to just have the thought pop into your head that you need to start counting to ten, and that is enough. Now you have a choice.
So, here’s what you do:
Practice five minutes of mindfulness every day. After a week, extend it to 10 minutes every day. This practice will help you observe the gap between thought and (re)action. Here’s a big tip: do it before you have your morning coffee–the monkey mind on speed is incredibly hard to calm down. 🙈🤪
Throughout your day, randomly catch yourself and your thoughts. Set an alarm at different times of the day and stop and ask yourself “what am I thinking?” Are they positive or negative thoughts? Do you need to adjust your thinking at that moment to something more productive and positive?
Next time you set out on a task, have a Plan B and even a plan C ready so that if things don’t go as hoped, you can switch your approach. This way, you can enjoy packing the shits just for an instant, swear to yourself, and then get on with Plan B, like I did.
Life is a test and don’t we know it. When it tests you, adapt. Don’t sit there crying in victim mode, thinking “poor me!” You’re better than that.
If you need help with any of this, get in touch and I’ll gladly help.
Be amazing and remember, as cliche as it sounds, you got this!
Dan :)